Las Vegas in Bullets
Since I have no pictures from Vegas, I will have to regale you with my memories one word at a time. Lucky you. You guys will be taking up a collection to buy me a new camera in no time.
I present to you, Things I Learned On This Trip, day to day edition:
Friday: Las Vegas keeps getting farther and farther away from Salt Lake City. Continental drift or something. I swear I remember when it was a 4 hour drive. Somewhere along the way it became a 6 hour drive.
99 cent margaritas seem like a good idea at time. They are not. 99 cent tequila shots seem like an even better idea, and are in fact, an even worse idea.
Just because you are surrounded by college friends does not mean you can drink like you did when you were in college.
Mirrors above your bed are not as great as you might have thought.
Saturday:Encourage your husband to bet on horses. Otherwise, the horse he picks will win but you will not reap the $760 you would have be entitled to if he would have bet a measly $20 on his horse.
A high concentration of Indian people in an Indian restaurant is a good sign.
When a man tells you to go ahead, feel his hair extensions, do not do it. It will be gross. He will also assume that this then gives him license to touch your cheek while he tells you how much he loves your dimples. Shudder.
Sunday:
No matter how good your intentions of exercising on vacation are, it will not happen.
Your husband can drink two giant plastic footballs full of long island iced tea and be FINE.
The pirate show at Treasure Island is all kinds of awesomeness. Practically soft core porn, though laudable for attempting to have a plot.
Monday:
"Bodies: The Exhibition" is made better when you see it with a friend who is a doctor. Also, seeing a penis that is cut in half is WEIRD.
When you ask a temporary tattoo artist for a tattoo of an ear of corn, she will demand an explanation before tattooing you.
Gin martinis are only your friend for the first 2. That third one is not a good idea. Also, a couple of hours and a couple of beers is not enough time between the third martini and a tequila shot.
Tuesday:
Being hungover sucks. But impulse buying cowboy boots helps.
Las Vegas can drift another hour away from Salt Lake City in 5 short days.
5 Comments:
Dude. This is like exactly what I always IMAGINE Vegas to be like.
Sounds like you DID IT RIGHT.
This post is brilliant. But you know that if your husband had bet on the horse, it wouldn't have won. That's how it always works.
Tessie - You've never been? I would pay money to hear your thoughts on Vegas. Maybe you should take up a collection from your readers to fund a Vegas trip.
Jess - You are so right! That makes me feel better. Also, it just would have meant more money to spend on liquor, which is the last thing I needed.
i laughed out loud at the $.99 drink comments. nice. i miss vegas.
Zac - Oh, I wish I would have been able to go when you and Julie were out here and went. It is so much fun in small doses. Where did you guys stay? Did you have mirrors above the bed?
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